@simoncholland: Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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@InternetHippo: [genie emerges from his lamp] Master, what is thy— [he sees me on the bed pointing at the remote like 3ft away] Are u kidding me
@palokin: Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it
@TeflonPawn: If you're looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.