@MableGertrude: Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven't left your couch since 2011.
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@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@AndyAsAdjective: Judging by this sunburn, I'd say the sunscreen I lathered on earlier was SPF goddamn liar.
@hasht4g: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because kids that eat Taco Bell can't climb, or run.