@MableGertrude: Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven't left your couch since 2011.
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@KayRants: I'll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.
@weinerdog4life: I like to push the "stop time" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot.
@Midgetspar: You don't understand how hard it is to play Dungeons & Dragons when your dragon is gay, fabulous and always protesting violence. It's hard.
@placeswewillgo1: CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don't Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.