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@lloydrang: Why, yes, I am dressed for the weather.
I am wearing a house.
@PerfectPending: Husband: I'm going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax.
Me: sounds awesome!
H: Will you get them ready for me?
@WorldofWid: Whoever called it a "dust bunny" was in a super good mood.
@bobvulfov: DOCTOR: im writing u a prescription
ME: [winking] nice thanks doc i wont tell anyone
DOCTOR: again, this is totally legal
ME: shh be cool
@BlindChow: "I have a particular set of spills," Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt.
He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken.
@TheBoydP: Mammals for $500 Alex
"Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating"
What are sloths?
"Wrong, What are coworkers"