@WritePlay: Wife: I can't find my phone
Me: Want me to call it?
Wife: Sure, I -
Me: PHONE, HERE BOY
@Mouthy_: My favorite exercise after a heavy meal is regret.
@WheelTod: Some people will put ketchup on anything: one time I found a first edition of Wuthering Heights in my dad's attic & I just couldn't resist.
@KKBowls: "I dropped the ball"
- things you never wanna hear during a Vasectomy
@IAmKatieOrr: I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling "Wilbur, you include your brother!"
@dihorla: I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father.
Wow your dad must be a rich man.
No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.