@WritePlay: Wife: I can't find my phone
Me: Want me to call it?
Wife: Sure, I -
Me: PHONE, HERE BOY
@Black__Elvis: If I were a woman I’d probably use tampons because it seems like it would be hard to stuff a maxi pad all the way up there.
@Darlainky: All we do is support you, all you ever do is complain about us!
-if bras could talk
@rotten_mamma: 3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!?
Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy.
@squirrel74wkgn: *spends 45 minute drive trying to perfectly crack open my car window*
@Hormonella: Don't confuse a Morning Person with a Middle Aged Bladder Person.