@GrantTanaka: Wife just found out my ring tone for her is "ding dong the witch is dead" so if anyone wants to race to Canada READY SET GO
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@k_lli: It turns out the only way to get my kids to flush the toilet is for me to be showering when they use it.
@akmalshamil: *goku flies into the sunset* not knowing how the sun and earth really work he says "WHAT THE HELL WHERE'S THAT SUNSET BEEN FLYING FOR DAYS"
@AnniemuMary: Met a dog named Donut. I don't need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.