@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
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@KentWGraham: If you pack an acid-laced brownie in your lunch, you can quickly identify the employee who’s stealing all the food from the fridge.
@OtherDanOBrien: Tomi Lahren is pretty confident for a person whose first and last names are both misspelled
@Kendragarden: I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."