@NuryVittachi: WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait
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@martyntanton: Just been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't "Ta-Daa!"
@Cheeseboy22: My son found a SEVEN leaf clover on the neighbor's back porch! I don't have the heart to tell him that it's really a marijuana leaf.
@emilymaej: I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I'd just be dead. Smart kid.