@DadInUtah: Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said
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@SteveSuckington: Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses? Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.
@armyantstudios: My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore