@DadInUtah: Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said
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@Brianhopecomedy: Saw a phone booth. Hopped in. Came out. Didn't become Superman. Now it just looks like I was hiding while that lady was getting mugged.
@Doc_Jyoti: I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren't we helping to find them?
@Izianikapani: Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.
@LoriLuvsShoes: How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend