@WilliamAder: Wile E. Coyote's Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.
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@david8hughes: [first day as news anchor] Me [tryin not to laugh readin report about a man gettin kicked by a horse]: hes said to be in a stable condition
@jdforshort: Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale
@SteveKoehler22: An octopus can get so stressed out - it will actually eat itself. Octopuses call that “leg day.”
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.