@WilliamAder: Wile E. Coyote's Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.
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@ScottLinnen: Always keep an axe by the front door so I can give the other Jehovah something awesome to witness.
@ProfaneDane: An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
@hippieswordfish: everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013
@samalmightysam: Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all.