@MannyDiesel: Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn't run in. I'll wait
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@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.
@truegritrumble: ME: Close your eyes, I got you a birthday present. SPOUSE: *closes eyes* Oh? ME: Remember how you told me you love Daft Punk? SPOUSE: No. I said I’d love for you to stop listening to Daft Punk in the car. ME: *nervously* Oh *Daft Punk slowly rises from behind the couch*
@daemonic3: 911: What's your emergency? "I put the Ford in affordable housing." 911: Are you flirting? "No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"