@IslandsJunk: Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first.
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@thenatewolf: ME: the internet used to come in through the phone. It made a terrible noise, like robots screaming. GRANDSON: hush grandpa take your pills
@radtoria: Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child.
@badbanana: Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers.