@IslandsJunk: Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first.
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@flashember: Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? "Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
@Phlegmingway: I prefer science to religion, as the former doesn't seem to grow vengeful and jealous when refused attention.
@ddsmidt: X-rays are dangerous, they were probably less harmful when they were just rays, but after the breakup...