@aveuaskew: Win every disagreement by saying " I know. I'm from the future." Because they can argue with you, but not science.
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@CulturedRuffian: * on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly.
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.