@pleatedjeans: Wine and cheese pair well together bc they are both the expired byproducts of other foods enjoy your trash snack rich people
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear.
@JohnLyonTweets: Look, I can still fit into my clothes from 10 years ago. *pants split* *buttons pop off* *shirt seams tear* Too bad the workmanship is so shoddy.
@SaddestTiger: im an adult! i make my own bedtimes! i'll stay up all night and function at a fraction of my capacity! like a giant grown-up lethargic baby!
@gogocosmonaut: Jesus said that he'd get rid of evil people, whereas Norse gods said they'd get rid of frost giants. nnI don't see many frost giants around.