@sweetg35: Wine improves with age, I improve with wine.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan.
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@TheWadest: Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys.