@ericsshadow: Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a "who wants to sleep on the couch" contest.
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@beefman138: 3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen? Me : Sorry, darling. We can't watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.
@JustDontBugMe: I don't understand Dentists. I'm sitting here with like.. knitting needles in my mouth and they think I can answer stupid questions.
@simoncholland: 2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses.
@hoedeehoe: 1st date: (don't let her know how self centered you are) Me: what's your favorite thing that I've said so far tonight?