@1par8head: Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
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@sofarrsogud: WIFE: Hurry up or we'll get caught in the rain. ME: [sipping a pina colada] I would like that.
@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old? Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total? Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes. #cashierlife
@shivkumarrx: What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant???? #RT