@1par8head: Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
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@WhatsHerFace33: Friend - You smell nice, what's that perfume you're wearing? Me - Fear and fabric softener.
@TEXASVETERAN: Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"
@imence2: In RL I'm a car salesman. Which means its my job to know how many bodies fit in the trunk of a car officer. This is all work related.