@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
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@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot
@djdarrellripley: Going to church doesn't necessarily make you a nice person... It does, however, make you sleepy.
@pauleggleston: My wife and I can't agree on appropriate gardening attire. But she's digging in her heels.