@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
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@ObscureGent: My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.
@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
@1followernodad: guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!