@AnAbsurdBird: With hindsight, answering the door with one unshaven leg, one dripping with blood & radioheads "creep" blaring out probably didn't help.
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@2tickytacky: I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.
@SteveSuckington: [approaches parent with child on a leash] "Mind if I pet your dog?" Hey that's my son! "Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"
@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@_ElvishPresley_: [school of hard knocks] TEACHER: you’re late ME: I was stuck outside, the classroom door was locked TEACHER: you have a LOT to learn