@junejuly12: With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.
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@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: WHO DREW ON THE WALL?! 4-year-old: 2-year-old: 4-year-old: 2-year-old: 4-year-old: The dog.
@captainkalvis: Her: i think taking care of your teeth is super important. Me: *nodding* i like having teeth because then i can always taste my skeleton.
@TheTweetOfGod: Attention: Will the owners of a blue planet with plate tectonics please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.