@AmishPornStar1: Woah!!! You're a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!
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@mlinhart: LIFE HACK: If ur phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, rice will attract Asians who will fix ur electronics for you
@JaySaysStuff: Hot single dads in your area AREN'T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.
@Tierno158: CNN reports Hurricane Patricia "hit luxury resorts and impoverished villages with equal ferocity." Did they expect wealth-based discernment?
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no.