@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.
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@JoParkerBear: Twitter: You have 87 notifications Me: Nice Gmail: You have 7 emails Me: Oh FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST
@joeljeffrey: [buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
@Sassafrantz: My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.
@QwertyJones3: [Trying to impress a cute girl with glasses] HER: So what kind of car do you drive? ME: A bookmobile.