@CroweJam: Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive.
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@WheelTod: [First Date] Her: Sorry, but your profile pic was misleading. Oatmeal Raisin Cookie: I never *said* this was chocolate. You just *assumed*
@Schmoodles: Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I ? Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.
@Matt_The_1st: "Honey, the baby sure is fussy. Why don't we go see a movie after we goto a nice, quiet restaurant?"