@CroweJam: Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive.
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@jngraphs: Wife: Where are you going? Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got? Five?
@eddiesteadyno: [Mon] Boss: Let's talk about your clothes Adam: But it's my best leaf B: You need officewear A: Understood [Tues] B: Is that a sticky note?
@Cpin42: It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them.