@pembdave: Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
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@Crunk_Jews: So apparently when a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.
@ch000ch: he died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff
@SkunkRiverNPS: Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder.
@Dana_Bruno: What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute? Oh yeah…39