@pembdave: Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
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@PlopWaffle: Interviewer : So you're super fast at math? Me : Yup I : Ok, what's 346x48? Me : 804 I : That's not correct Me : Fast though.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: OK, time to put up the tree and spend the next six weeks scolding the cat for playing with the dangly remarkably-cat-toy-like ornaments.
@gylertagan: [First Date] Her: What do you do for a living Me: (Forgetting the word masseuse) I uh squeeze people Her: Um...? Me: No its okay they pay me