@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
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@daemonic3: "Ok, what chemical symbol should we give this Gold?" *thief runs by, steals gold* "Hey! You!" Au, got it. Next element.
@GrantTanaka: Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]
@Wine_Honey1: People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen