@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Amazon review: Amazon river ⭐☆☆☆☆ DO NOT GO HERE! Everything tries to kill you, plus they don't even have free shipping.
@iAmDelFreaky: *plays Rocky theme song* *cracks 5 raw eggs into glass and gulps them down* *vomits on kitchen floor* *turns off music* *cleans kitchen*
@KentWGraham: Get your employees to work harder by “accidentally” leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff.
@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts. Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here