@Home_Halfway: *Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*
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@Ristolable: "DO NOT HIT ME. THE TURTLES DO NOT HIT SPLINTER. I AM SPLINTER TO YOU." -real thing I just said to my son
@alispagnola: Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you're better off staying home with no pants on.
@_ElvishPresley_: CHIEF: say hi to ur new partner ME: new partner? If it's another duck– *goose with a badge waddles in* ME: okay but i'm driving this time
@SomthinBoutSara: I've stepped on a Lego before so I'm calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down