@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
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@cray_at_home_ma: Triscuits are a good snack if you've already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands
@chuuew: ME: I'm as strong as a box! HER: Surely you mean "ox"? ME: [easily collapses after getting wet from tears]
@Shock_Monster: My dream job? That's easy: Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone. That's Old School Twitter.