@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
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@ThingsIGrewUpOn: But that's none of my business
@Robert_Beau: CW: The boss said she wanted to see you. Me: That's flattering, but I don't date people from work.
@delusionaliam: "Hey! check out my new ink" *removes shirt, stands naked* "Dude!, I don't see anything" "It's invisible ink"
@pmclellan: So, Tim Cook came out of the cloud?
@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.
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