@MomofTeen: My trophies are a result of: 80% - pity 10% - friends who are kind 10% - random strangers whose fingers slip 7% - my superior math skills

@Angrea: Some things you recycle, some you throw away. For example: Paper & plastic you recycle. Opportunities, love and your future you throw away.

@CYComedy: Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.

@SaraMansford: Dear parents buying holiday gifts for teachers: They don't want candles or a Starbucks GC. They put up with your kids. They want wine.

@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.