@samalmightysam: Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all.
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@pleatedjeans: [talks about how badass wolves are for 20 mins] date: can we talk about something else? [pulls out powerpoint on why wolves are badass] No
@jwoodham: Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President.
@PoliUncorrect: If I learned anything from my childhood, its that if you cry long enough, your dead hamster will be reborn as a rabbit
@NotJPo: Listen up, single people. You can only sleep with so many people. Sooooo many people. So so so many.