@kelkulus: Women don't consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them.
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@ladyignoble: Note to younger women: Remember, men are always after just one thing: your snacks. Do not leave the refrigerator unlocked.
@Whymze: [pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.