@kelkulus: Women don't consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them.
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@StellaRtwot: Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you're doing it.
@Leslie_Annie: 8 yr old: mommy, why are you laying on the floor? Me: I just did 438 sit ups. 8: sounds legit. I've taught her well.
@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth