@samalmightysam: Women have closets full of 'I have nothing to wear.'
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@FeralCrone: I said I was mad at myself. My 4yo son looked at me. "There are fancier words for mad," he said, fixing my hair. "You should say irritated."
@nickmullen: I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting
@Reverend_Scott: [car wreck] [hand reaches out] "Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback." [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]