@NoogsCorner: Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way.
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@Maxine12339: Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven't bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down.
@daemonic3: [rolls down car window] "Sir there's a baby on your roof!" Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat] Oh thank god!
@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.