@o__0Dev: Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them.
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@carlyken: Translator: We changed the Bible verses forbidding happy marriage to say gay marriage. King James: Same thing, what could possibly go wrong?
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Getting asked this question somewhere else
@_NinJar: Me: Whats the best thing on the menu? Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
@doctorveritas: "It's possible to touch birds!" I say suddenly. My coworkers stare at me. I wander outside to touch some birds.