@meganamram: Women shouldn't work outside the home. It's STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs.
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@rolldiggity: A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked.
@Midlifecrisis18: My son didn't call while I was on the road today so I'll just be here in my hotel room playing 'Cat's in the Cradle' on repeat.
@MartaEffing: [breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!