@DurtMcHurtt: Women that date guys with bad grammar are the goodest.
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@TomTheWicked: Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?" Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.
@McSwtrvst: *genie appears* I wish I was rich! GRANTED! YOU USED TO BE RICH ok!—wait what? FOR YOUR SECOND WISH, CONSIDER HAVING PAID ATTENTION IN CLASS
@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.
@ParaComedian09: If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter, none of this would be an issue.