@meganamram: Women who get kidnapped while jogging: you're not jogging fast enough
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@david8hughes: [first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus
@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.
@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
@EvanJKessler: Don't hate the game, hate the player who keeps sending you Facebook invites to play the game.