@meganamram: Women who get kidnapped while jogging: you're not jogging fast enough
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@MarfSalvador: [Camping] Her: You didn't bring food? Him: No Her: Or toilet paper? Him: Why would we need toilet paper if we don't have food?
@dshack8: I'm weird but not "sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I've got no plans to leave" weird. That stuff's 4 serial killers.
@ilovepie84: Whenever I test drive a car and the Salesman decides to come along, I lock the doors lock eyes and say "We ride together, we Die together."