@meganamram: Women who get kidnapped while jogging: you're not jogging fast enough
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Home_Halfway: 1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream "WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"
@dragnut: Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
@michaelianblack: The phrase "Whatever floats your boat" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water.