@Sean_Burgundy_: Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing
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@E_lok44: Pro tip: If you really want to make an impact, always have a mouth full of saliva before you "shhh" someone.
@thatguyJA: I'm confused, why does the Gangnam Style guy want to launch a nuclear attack on the US?
@FeelingMervis: Sometimes when my gf is asleep, I like to sneak into the living room, put on her dress, and pretend I wear the pants in this relationship.
@AndrewChamings: [joyriding in stolen Lamborghini] HER: No way this thing does 150. ME: Only one way to find out... [pulls over & checks wikipedia]