@kissmeimkinky: Word of the day: exhaustipated. Too tired to give a shit.
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@sageboggs: "Is that the guy who doesn't know how to use the word poignant?" Yea shhh he's coming over here THE GUY: hey guys! long time no poignant
@noog: Judge: Order in the court [from the back] Me: Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with... [puts hand over speaker and looks around] what?
@dshack8: Wonder why my son doesn't want me to walk him to the bus stop? Maybe I'd better unhook one of the straps on my overalls like the cool kids.
@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"