@kissmeimkinky: Word of the day: exhaustipated. Too tired to give a shit.
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@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@ChaseMit: "I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.
@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.