@AmericanGent69: I've hated dentists way before they started killing lions.

@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.

@ChaseMit: "I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.

@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.

@LifeUnPinterest: *Adorns new baby with: Infinity scarf Leggings Uggs Bottle of pumpkin spice latte* They said if her basic needs were met she wouldn't cry!