@donni: Work like you don't need the money: Just stop and go home. Who cares? You don't need that money
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@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.
@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
@emmatheist: Sometimes when my boyfriend makes a racist joke I am like Ugh why did I even imagine you?
@pleatedjeans: [doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go