@RobWeb79: Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup.
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@Reverend_Scott: girlfriend: we need to talk me: ok what's up girlfriend: I'm pregnant me: OH AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S MY FAULT TOO
@iwearaonesie: friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine
@joshgondelman: Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@WilliamHale1: A wise man once said... absolutely nothing. He let her vent and then they had sex afterward.