@RobWeb79: Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup.
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@markydoodoo: DAVID BLAINE: *cracks open egg, butterfly flies out* ME: cmon man DB: *cracks open 2nd egg, 9 of clubs pops out* ME: I'm so hungry, David
@Nikkeya08: Sorry my diet made me slap the oreo out of your toddler's hand and scream "NOT TODAY SATAN!"
@FKACornshucks: Me: I want to do unspeakable things to you. Her: Tell me... Me: Do you know what unspeakable means Lydia?