@RobWeb79: Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup.
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@frenchielaboozi: a lady was like "can you believe he's 14 months old already" and i am like you know what i can cause you post a pic of him every single day
@ruinedpicnic: me: did you check the suggestion box boss: we don't have a suggestion box we have a paper shredder me: MY DRAWINGS
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@KevinFarzad: So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it's okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it's rude??