@justinshanes: WORK TIP: Respond to all your boss's emails with "Heyyyy you!"
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@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL] JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt? MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
@Token_Geezer: I'm doing the vacuuming.. It doesn't need doing but it's a legitimate way of annoying the kids
@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment. Bros before hoes.