@iGreenMonk: Working on my new book, "How to Get Through Life Without Reading."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@realHamOnWry: I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'
@horacedodge: Dance like no one is watching. Email it like it might be read aloud one day in front of a Jury.
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes