@iGreenMonk: Working on my new book, "How to Get Through Life Without Reading."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_troyjohnson: *loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!
@canadian_jane: If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer.
@LuckoftheDraw86: Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
@djdarrellripley: This has to be the worst date I have ever had. That includes the time that I accidentally answered my uncle's personal ad....