@iGreenMonk: Working on my new book, "How to Get Through Life Without Reading."
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@truegritrumble: (At Kentucky Derby) ME: I'd like to enter my horse for the race. EMPLOYEE: Sir, that's a cheetah. ME: *slyly passes him a burrito* Or is it?
@thenatewolf: Me: [crouching next to my friend] man, some of these guys take paintball so seriously Log We Are Hiding Behind: freeze
@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.