@punmagnate: Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity
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@ThRealBallsDeep: Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call.
@_TeaChap: Scientology, because even Jehovah Witnesses need something to laugh at after a hard day of knocking on doors.
@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"