@PopShakespeare: Wouldst the genuine Slim Shady kindly arise?
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@MamanyaDana: That awkward moment when I give a guy a fake phone number and he tries to call it in front of me.. #OhShiiiit
@thenatewolf: *she hears me singing in the shower* Her: oh he's so cute *she hears a guitar amp click on and feedback ring out* Her: NATE NOOOOOOOOOOOO
@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.
@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."