@ilovepie84: Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear.
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@SamGrittner: I asked my mom what she wanted today and she said "she just wanted me to be happy," so I'm on ecstasy petting a dolphin right now.
@GuyThe_Guy: This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
@shegotagronk: Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life.
@MableGertrude: Friend: It looks like you're packing to go on an extended vacation. Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii? Me: No, this is just my lunch.