@ilovepie84: Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear.
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@MarfSalvador: [Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!
@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.
@shegotagronk: You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you.
@TheRobCee: [furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk] "Don't you wish there was an easier way?" [cut to carton of butter milk]