@ilovepie84: Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear.
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@AbbyHasIssues: Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions? Me: Is a personal shopper someone who just goes on Amazon for you now?
@Amazon_Blonde: No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying
@fuzzlime: Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry.