@iSpeakTeenLife_: Yawning Is our body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining
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@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
@jctwritesstuff: I mean, if Marie Antoinette didn't want her head cut off, maybe there should've been actual cake. ~ Why I was kicked off the debate team
@Pro_Jones_: Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH