@karanlyons: Yeah? Well the Bible also tells us that abstinence isn’t 100% effective, Mary.
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@suntzufuntzu: Woman on the phone congratulates you for winning "Unknowing Android of the Year." "I'm not an android!" you protest. "Marvelous," she gushes
@gruffybeard: Her: Why's the couch smell like pee? [Flashback to me watching The Ring alone] Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."
@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"