@JohnLyonTweets: Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster.
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@LOsepyan: I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day
@withanewname: "SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?" -- "SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!" -- "SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?" -- Wife: "She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."