@Jmboyd58: Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat's medication.
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@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over
@AnOrangeSNES: We need to overthrow that Tyrannosaurus Rex and democratically elect a Presidentosaurus Rex
@UNTRESOR: Dad, who's Daniel Day-Lewis? *Dad peers out the blinds* He could be anyone, son. *Mom starts weeping* He could be anyone.
@AntozWolf: Kinky is when you bring a feather into the bedroom. Perverted is when you bring the whole chicken.