@Izianikapani: Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.
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@CheryeDavis: I always take the high road, because the colors are more psychedelic and sometimes you see a unicorn.
@TheReal_AndyMac: The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad.
@TheMichaelRock: Hell hath no fury like a white woman emailing Target after a bad shopping experience.
@rickolantern: I'm NOT Superman. What appears to be a red and yellow S on my chest is just the result of a rather fortuitous mustard and ketchup stain.