@withanewname: Yoga? No thank you. I'll download an app to my phone so I don't have to stretch for the remote.
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@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.
@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.
@hardlyrelevant: Me: (from the back of the ambulance) CHANGE THE RADIO Medic: Sir you need to conserve your strength Me: I AM NOT DYING TO A COLDPLAY SONG
@Donna_McCoy: I'm looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.