@goldengateblond: You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.
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@sameverlark_: Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God
@lovemydogduck: 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
@david8hughes: [first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 10am]: enjoy